Narcissim can be is defined as:
“Selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.”
(Source: Oxford Languages)
According to mayoclinic.org, a narcissist can be defined as:
“Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.
We’ve all been involved with a narcissist one way or the other in our lives, whether that be a friend, family member or a romantic partner. You can usually spot narcissistic tendencies in someone – not only will your instincts alert you but a narcissist’s actions are clear as daylight once you’re aware of the traits of a narcissist. It’s not always spotted immediately (in my experience) even though their tendencies are there from the get go, and are discovered by the other person over time with repetitive toxic actions including direct verbal, mental and physical abuse.
Most Common Narcissistic Tendencies
- Self important, self absorbed & self centered
- Taking advantage of others
- Secretly enjoys attention and drama
- Selfish and a lack of empathy
- Ghosting / silence
At the beginning, narcissists come across as this wonderful, charming being, especially in romantic situations. They make you feel as if you’re on cloud 9, they’ll sweet talk you, treat you like you’re the best thing that has ever happened to them and then as relationship develops, you become strongly attached to them and their ways making it easier for them to manipulate you.
Those on the receiving end of narcissism will start to make excuses for the narcissist’s actions which deep down makes them feel like shit, let’s be honest! Should you confront them about their actions, they’ll be quick to pull the wool over your eyes, pouring out their lame excuses, confessing their undying love for you and then, you’re back to what you think is a loving, happy relationship – UNTIL THE NEXT EPISODE!!! I’ve been there! I know! This will go on until you feel emotionally unfulfilled, drained from your all of your energy and that you can’t be there for them any longer. Are they there for you? Always a good question to ask yourself when you’re feeling this way.
Being On The Receiving End of Narcissism
As mentioned, we’ve all been on the receiving end of this at one point in our lives. Being a victim of narcissism can make you feel anxious and unworthy of good things in life due to the narcissist abusing you, mentally, physically and emotionally. These are some of the feelings you may feel when dealing with a narcissist depending on how attached you are and the relationship:
- Anxiety levels are through the roof
- Feeling undeserving of love.
- Emotionally unstable and always feeling heartbroken
- Feeling devalued and unappreciated
- Justifying their actions and making excuses for them
- Feeling lost and sad
- Low self-esteem
- Sleepless nights due to added stress from their behaviour
- Drained mentally and emotionally
Being on the receiving end of narcissism is so painful, draining and powerful and personally, I’ve been on the receiving end of narcissism about 3 times in my life in total – I could probably itemise them into their own categories for each narcissist. Looking back, it’s quite interesting to see different forms of narcissism, there isn’t a one size fits all when it comes to this but their title remains – A NARCISSIST!!! A narcissist knows that they are a narcissist, they know they’re toxic and they know what they’re doing from the get go.
How To Address Being A Victim of Narcissim
It’s always hard to deal with and walk away from these situations especially when there are feelings involved but more than likely, walking away is the best thing you can do to stop being the victim of this. I do however believe that everyone deserves a second chance in life, we all do but in order for the narcissist to change, they would seriously need to address their behaviour, their actions and do some strong inner work to come out to the other side. They are full of toxic traits that their personality would need to be stripped bare. Their actions would ultimately be the proof that they’ve changed (or not)!!!
Here’s how I walked away from narcissism – it’s taken me a long time to get to this point in my life:
- I started to realise my self worth
- I realised that I am indeed worthy of love and affection despite how that person made me feel.
- I started to understand the other person’s behaviour and I came to the realisation that I am not the issue, they are!
- Setting up healthy boundaries
- Confronting them calmly – didn’t change anything as they’re narcissists that really don’t care about how you’re feeling! But, I did my part and I made the effort as much as I could to try to get them to realise what they were doing.
- I was open and honest with them and myself.
- I started to get busy with my life and did things that I enjoyed including taking up new hobbies and revisiting old ones.
- Sought advice from friends and family when it was time for me to open up about the situation.
When you do find yourself in such a situation, always remember, the issue lies with them. The best part about it is once you’ve realised this, you can walk away, free yourself from these toxic behaviours and well, they have to live with their toxic-selves until they come to the realisation how unhealthy they are, hopefully it’s not too late for them!
🔥 Put yourself first. Take no shit 🔥 You are worthy 🔥 You are deserving of love 🔥