What are Personal Boundaries?
According to uhs.berkeley.edu, “boundaries are the personal limits and rules that we set ourselves within relationships. A person with healthy boundaries can say “no” to others when they want to, but they are also comfortable opening themselves up to intimacy and close relationships.”
So why is it so hard to set up personal boundaries? We as humans can find it so hard to say no to others when in reality we say yes when we don’t want to and we find it hard to hold back on information that is personal to you yet asked by others. However, by not setting personal boundaries, you might be thinking your kind hearted because you’re always saying yes or you don’t want to feel rude by holding back any information that has been asked for that is personal to you – this is known as self-disrespect. In other words, you’re disrespecting yourself.
“I set boundaries not to offend you but to respect myself”
10 Ways to Set Personal Boundaries
There are however, many tactics and simple ways you can apply personal boundaries so that you can start to base your real relationships with others and most importantly with yourself. I’m still learning this area of my life but it’s going in the right direction so far. It takes time so be patient with yourself if you’re at this stage in life. We need to stop having the need to people please and having a lack of boundaries does just that.
- Make your expectations clear to that person so that the behaviour between you and others are accepted and maintained.
- Do not give out too much personal information as this creates questions, feedback and possibly some sort of criticism.
- Practice saying no. It doesn’t have to be a straight up no. For example, if someone asks you a personal question that you do not wish to answer, just say – “I’d rather not speak about that, let’s change the subject”. Or, if someone wants to call for a catch up but you’re not in mood and find it hard to say no, then say something along the lines of “I’m a bit busy at the moment, let’s arrange for another time”.
- Keep it consistent. You know that the less you reveal, the more interesting you become to others so do expect some more questions coming your way. This is a good chance and way to keep your boundaries set up and consistent and with time it will get easier to say no.
- Take some personal time for yourself. By giving yourself some time, you’re actually enabling personal boundaries because you’ve given yourself time to do things your way, happily with no interruption. Whether that be on the sofa and relaxing or getting on with some of your projects this helps a great deal.
- Switch off your phone. Another great way to set boundaries and again this links to the point above, taking time for yourself, getting things done and just generally having some peace and quiet.
- Beware of social media. You can deactivate it, you can delete the apps from your phone or just not log in. You can also allow yourself a specific amount of time a day that you allow yourself on these platforms. Social media is also a place where you can overshare your personal life. This isn’t needed. Keep private.
- Take control of your own life. This actually is all the points above. Taking control over your own life will give you the power and need to set healthy boundaries between yourself and others.
- Tell them if they have overstepped your boundaries otherwise this can lead to resentment and feeling annoyed more-so on your part so tell them.
- If the above fails – ignore them. When I say ignore, I mean ignore those that are not respecting your boundaries. You’re creating respect for yourself and others when setting healthy boundaries so if someone keeps overstepping your mark after you’ve kindly communicated your expectations, then sadly, they’re not respecting you.
Do you find it hard to set boundaries? I hope this article has helped you being a few steps closer to setting healthy boundaries for yourself and others. What are your tricks and tips to setting healthy personal boundaries? Comment below! 🔥